I believe one day Sheldon will eat an...
Penny: Okay you guys, look, I know this is none of my business but I just have to ask: what's Sheldon's deal?
Leonard Hofstadter: What do you mean, "deal"?
Penny: You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls? Guys? Sock puppets?
Leonard Hofstadter: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.
Penny: Oh come on, everybody has a deal.
Howard Wolowitz: Not Sheldon. Over the years we've formulated many theories about how he might reproduce; I'm an advocate of mitosis.
Sep 21st
Life of Brian
Pontius Pilate: [Pilate is going to release a prisoner to the crowd] People of Jewusalum,
[Everybody laughs at his speech impairment]
Pontius Pilate: Wome... is your fwiend!
[They laugh more]
Pontius Pilate: To pwove our fwiendship, we will welease one of our wong-doers! Who shall I welease?
Man in crowd: Welease Woger!
[Everybody laughs, and begin to chant, "Welease Woger"]
Pontius Pilate: Vewy well, I shall... Welease... Woger!
[Everybody laughs]
Centurion: Uh, we haven't got a "Woger", sir.
Pontius Pilate: Oh, okay. We have no "Woger'!
[They all laugh]
Man in crowd: Well what about "Wodewick" then?
[They laugh and chant "Welease Wodewick!"]
Pontius Pilate: Vewy well! I shall welease... Wodewick!
[the crowd laughs some more]
Centurion: Sir, there's no "Wodewick".
Pontius Pilate: Who is this "Wodewick" you speak of?
Man in crowd: He's a wobber!
[they laugh]
Man in crowd: And a wapist!
[more laughter]
Girl In Crowd: And a pick-pocket!
[Everybody shakes their heads at her and say no]
Pontius Pilate: He sounds a notowious cwiminal.
Sep 18th
Grannies and prayers.
granny: I'm praying today for you to pass your exam.
me: you know that never works, right? If study I'll pass, if I don't, I won't. It's simple.
granny: well, I don't believe in the church, but I do believe in God.
me: yeah, well, nobody's perfect...
granny: by the way, I pray every night for you, your cousins, your parents...
me: wow, you are really busy at nights.
granny: no dear, I pray for you all, but only once. I got better things to do.
Sep 9th